Telling Lies
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At a certain point, telling the truth will put you in a type of situation you've always told lies to avoid. You'll have to own up when you didn't follow the rules, or reveal that you are unemployed, or confess that you didn't get the part for which you auditioned, or tell someone you aren't actually interested in a relationship. Telling Lies book. Read 135 reviews from the world's largest community for readers. Paul Ekman, a renowned expert in emotions research and nonverbal comm. These lies build up, one on top of the other, creating a slippery slope: Once we tell ourselves these lies are harmless, telling larger lies becomes easier. How to Cope After You’ve Been Lied to Only two scenarios can be in your future with someone who has lied to you: the one where you continue a relationship and the one where you do not. Free thesaurus definition of to tell lies and deceive people from the Macmillan English Dictionary - a free English dictionary online with thesaurus and with pronunciation from Macmillan Education.
How to Detect Lies
Become a Human Lie Detector (Part 1)
Warning: sometimes ignorance is bliss. After gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you. The following deception detection techniques are used by police, forensic psychologists, security experts and other investigators.
Introduction to Detecting Lies:
This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.
This is just a basic run down of physical (body language) gestures and verbal cues that may indicate someone is being untruthful. Remember: these signs don’t indicate someone is lying, just that they are more likely to be lying.
If you got here from somewhere else, be sure to check out our Lie Detection index page for more info including new research in the field of forensic psychology. Last update: April 10th, 2013.
Signs of Deception:
Body Language of Lies:
• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.
• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.
• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.
Emotional Gestures & Contradiction
• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.
• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says “I love it!” when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.
• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”
• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.
Also see our article on micro expressions & lying.
Interactions and Reactions
• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.
• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.
• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.
Verbal Context and Content
• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”
•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn’t do it” instead of “I did not do it”
• Liars sometimes avoid “lying” by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.
• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you… they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation. • A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.
• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.
Telling Lies
• The use of distancing language.
Also see our article on Statement Analysis for a more in-depth look at word analysis techniques used by interrogators.
Other signs of a lie:
• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.
• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.
Final Notes:
Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.
Most lie detecting experts agree that a combination of body language and other cues must be used to make an educated guess on whether someone is telling the truth or a lie.
Continue Reading Part 2 – Eye Direction & LiesContinue Reading:
Eye Movement and Lying (Lie Detection Part 2) How to tell if someone is lying based on the movements of their eyes. Read the research behind this theory of eye direction and what it can reveal about our inner state of mind.
Lying Resources, Books & Links (Lie Detection Index Page) Index to all of our lying resource pages, along with additional links, research, videos and books. Start here if you are new to this site. New: Why Do People Lie?
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You may also want to check out my lying index page for many more book recommendations.
Puzzle3: It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver. – Niccolo _____________
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“Deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.” ~Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door
In the beginning of my recovery, very soon after I discovered that the man I thought I knew had never existed, I held on to the one solid piece of truth that I had finally figured out: he was a LIAR. I held on tightly to that fact and started to research “pathological lying” on the internet. Unfortunately, I came up with nothing helpful. It was only when I painstakingly found my way to sociopathy/psychopathy that I uncovered accurate answers to my many questions! I eventually realized that pathological lying and psychopathy are inextricably linked.
Unfortunately, the above truth is obscured by a popular, and dangerous, assumption that exists within our society; it is even supported by research. That assumption is: everyone lies. Since everyone does it, since lying is apparently so universal and typical, it follows that it must not be that bad. Right? Wrong. Yes, almost all of us have told white lies to spare others’ feelings or with the intention of protecting others. And normal people lie to hide the shame they feel about wrongdoings or because they fear the consequences of their mistakes. But, there are other people who lie habitually, with the intent to deceive and manipulate others for their own personal gain, and they do not feel bad about doing it. In fact, they revel in it. These people are pathological liars, and they are psychopaths.
After much research, I have concluded that all pathological and compulsive liars have personality disorders, and those disorders can be placed on a psychopathic spectrum. Pathological lying is the opposite of normal. I will repeat that: pathological lying is the opposite of normal! It is irrelevant that researchers have discovered evidence that everyone lies in one way or another. Not only are most lies damaging, psychopathic lies are beyond the scope of what most people can even imagine when they think about lying. When someone lies habitually, that behavior pattern is always connected to other extremely disturbing traits and behaviors.
Lying is like breathing for psychopaths, and they use it as a manipulation tool in the following ways:
Psychopaths lie in order to dominate others
Because relationships are games to them, and because they view other people as objects and feel completely justified in exploiting them, psychopaths know that deception creates an uneven playing field. Lying is integral to impression management and mirroring; the lies enable psychopaths to present false images of themselves to potential targets. Those targets lose the ability to make safe and appropriate decisions. They enter into the relationships, unaware of the danger in store for them. Then, once the targets are hooked, psychopaths continue to use lies, along with a sprinkling of truth, in a multitude of ways, to ensure that their targets keep “playing.” They lie to cover up cheating, alcoholism, drug use, and sometimes various illegal activities. They lie through evasion and by withholding information. They lie as a form of gaslighting, in order to increase their control over their targets by making them constantly question themselves. They often repeatedly tell the ultimate lie, that they “love” their targets. And, they lie just for the fun of it.
Psychopaths actually feel a form of pleasure when they lie
Unlike lies told out of fear or to hide shame, psychopathic lies are often told because they bring a shallow form of pleasure to the liar. This is called “Duper’s Delight.” This explains why psychopaths sometimes lie when it is completely unnecessary or when the truth would be more advantageous. Psychopaths also include a variety of details in their lies, not only because it makes their lies sound more credible, but also because they enjoy constructing a false reality and making others believe it. It feeds their need for power and provides them with sick entertainment.
Psychopaths lie effortlessly and are very convincing
Psychopaths experience pleasure from lying because they lack the normal range of human emotions. They are empty and bored, they lack empathy for others, and they do not feel shame or remorse. This emptiness also enables them to lie with minimal effort. They can look other people straight in the eye, without flinching, and lie quickly and guiltlessly, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of previous deception. It is also easy for them to deny the lies, make up excuses, and project their own behavior on to others, which is, of course, a lie in itself. Although some psychopaths do not bother with apologies, others say they’re sorry on a regular basis, and because they say this without feeling any shame, they can come across as sincere.
Psychopaths lie to make others feel sorry for them
All psychopaths know exactly how to elicit sympathy from their targets. They are exploiters, and so they take advantage of the natural desire most people have to help and nurture their fellow human beings. They use deception (and sometimes a smidgen of truth) to create a plethora of fabricated ailments and problems. Common pity plays include fake illnesses and injuries, along with “crazy” exes, car accidents, and theft, to name just a few. Psychopaths generate as many pretend sob stories as needed in order to draw others into their hidden games, again and again and again. The ability they have to lie pathologically, easily, and confidently makes it possible for them to convince others that such an implausible number of tragedies is plausible, which unfortunately opens the door to a variety of manipulation and exploitation opportunities.
Martha Stout’s telling quote from above, “Deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior,” can be translated as: lying is central to the psychopathic personality. It therefore cannot be separated from other psychopathic behavior; it is integrated completely into how psychopaths think and into everything they do. Habitual, pathological lying is the opposite of normal, and it is always a telltale sign of a psychopathic personality disorder.
Need recovery support after encountering a pathological liar? Read The Survivor's Quest, available through Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Survivors-Quest-Recovery-After-Encountering-ebook/dp/B00MOTO00Q/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1408138504&sr=8-2&keywords=the+survivor's+quest